Despite transfer rumours over the winter, Hurley have not secured the services of a host of banned Asian players or Ricky Ponting looking to regain respectability after an Ashes humiliation, but instead have been in the greenhouse growing their own. Careful nurturing by Ringo, Lardy and Veggy is maturing budding talent, so is the Cola too expensive?

Blog #2 of the year and I am becoming prolific; is it a renewed enthusiasm or brought on by enforced retirement and time on my hands? Cricketforce weekend was a great success but what was that headline in the Advertiser? Unfortunately I had to leave before the bbq to witness the Toffees handing out another stuffing, but then again, a dozen colts and 3 Dawkins meant an obscene scramble for burnt meat. Some brilliant work by the usual suspects plus a few, and even some parents and a possible new Associate yielded an excellent turnout. The club, as usual now looks a picture and Jeff has some new toys to play with as well thanks to Val’s fundraising.

There is a stirring in my loins which is unusual. Brilliant weather and an excellent turnout for the game against Berks Stags Visually impaired cricket team on Sunday was all very pleasant as I cogitated with Steve T on the boundary. Clumps of red hair blew in the wind as Rita tried to keep up with the rules and I had to try to wind her up at tea by disputing the score, but I think she is on to me now. We lost by 2 runs so a good game. Most inappropriate comment of the day by a Hurley player as they crouched down in special glasses and blindfolds, ‘Eyes on everybody’. I realise that Portugal is not renown for cricket, but are Veg and James really losing their enthusiasm while a more positive rumour is the return of the ‘Bazooka’ and addition of a useful Kolpak. Daryn looks lost to door to door double glazing. Please lets have a successful season on the pitch in the new look Chilterns League.

Thanks to Kevin Clement who reminded me of my long absence from this page, it appears he still keeps in touch with what is going on through our website. I now have two readers!

Back in the days when flares were first fashionable, a mobile phone was a smashed up red booth, and music was about to embark on it’s greatest decade ignited by the cleansing influence of punk, I followed Phil down to Hurley in my ripped jeans. Having just finished University and not knowing what to do having got up for lunch one Sunday, I went to watch Phil at Old Pals. It was a decision that was to lock me into the club as scorer for the next 30 years and later Treasurer for what seems an eternity. Both these jobs I have found harder to loose than a teenager’s acne. But it was a time of legions, Ford, Feast, Scott, Barlow, Lehain and Tetlow. So it was sad to attend the memorial service in the village to Martin Tetlow who died recently. Martin will be remembered as a classy bat with a floppy white hat who enjoyed a pint or two both in the club and at the Dew Drop. It was gratifying to listen to the memories of the few old lags who travelled some distance to pay their respects, John Cobby, Gordon Ford, Kevin Clement and Mike Haines plus half a dozen of those still involved in the club and who trace their debuts back to the 70’s.

I hope England appreciate the efforts of those of us who made the sacrifice and decamped to Australia for the Ashes. Since then it has been like the immortal words of the Barmy army ‘He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right, Mitchell Johnson, your bowling is sh*te’. It was a great day though, final day at Sydney, only a few die hard Aussies and 5,000 English in 3 Bays. Not quite Agincourt, but it will do for me. Lets hope Darryn and Mike can assume the mantle of Henry V; once more into the breach guys. I hear our colts are showing promise at nets and one or two new seniors have appeared. Can I look forward to a more successful season, and hence a less grumpy one?

Visiting Hurley on Saturday for the annual fixture against Nally’s XI (Hampton Hill), I received a tip off that we would score 150. So I placed all my loose change down the bookies with Mo Ne Launda and sat back in full expectation of a future life of leisure. Imagine the shock and awe when Rita calculated 151 and I had lost everything. Surely Mike ‘the mask’ had acquired an extra run, but no, a 24 ball duck disputed that theory. I did not dare challenge the red headed statistician who was brooding menacingly. Double or quits I thought on 3 stumpings in the second half but Jacko kept hitting the stumps and I was left without a button to my name.

My reader keeps reminding me that I have not posted a blog for a while and I have to admit that I have been depressed about the 1XI losing their last 4 league games and finishing 6th as we did last year. Of course I am not factoring into my depression all the good things that are happening to Hurley; Fred and Val being awarded OCAR’s for their services to Hurley, the Saturday 2XI winning promotion, a thriving colts program and 3 very talented and enthusiastic U17 graduates to the seniors. There should be a fourth but he is lost to cyberspace and ‘hanging about’. My glass is always half empty, and not because I am waiting for someone to buy me a beer at the bar.

I bumped into Ian Hopes in the pub or as we imaginatively called him ‘Hopesy’, a legend who had a constant stream of young blond girlfriends who used to indulge his panache for night manoeuvres on the artificial wicket. Apparently there is a tape somewhere down the back of a settee. Hurry hurry before VHS becomes extinct.

The sun shines brighter, Val’s scones are fruitier, and the beer is more bitter/sweet when we win in the League. The 1XI climbed to 4th and the 2XI climbed to 3rd so things are looking good like Cameron (Diaz not David). I do blanch a little at the excitement in the weekly round up about the prospect of the 2XI getting promotion as there are several individuals lingering there who should be playing 1XI on merit. This rather makes a mockery of a 1st and 2nds, and will it be sustainable next year. Bring on a proper selection policy and a bit of competition for places! I really wish someone would tell me why these individuals prefer to play at a lower standard than they are capable. I hope I get a veto on the annual awards. I am not targeting any one individual, I can think of at least four who grumble at any invitation to play 1XI. ?

Having ‘ground my gears’ (thanks Toddy) I turn to the possibility of replacing the crumbling garage with a newish Container, newly painted I would suggest in lime green. I wonder if I will now get my balcony on top, with a little roof garden and retractable drawbridge so I can be truly grumpy on my own. We may also need to fit a drainage system as advancing years have taken a toll on the bladder. Is a disabled lift a little too much to ask?

I spent an enjoyable hour or so last Sunday watching the combined Sunday sides and getting a rare glimpse of our bolt on Sunday 2XI. I think they would admit that they under performed with the bat but what a decent side for a tilt at the village cup next year? Finally thank you Mr Noah for giving me some biblical references to write about in the report and I promise not too many war ones this week when we play Chalfont and Mr Lancaster. There will have to be a few references to ‘bouncing bombs’ from the spinners, the dam bursting and maybe a crash landing or two.

I have not been blogging recently, too busy filling in my World Cup wall chart and sticking pins into my Fabio Coppello doll. Having watched England nervously stutter into the last 16 I am comforted that it could be worse, we could be French.

Having recently enjoyed visits to Little Marlow and Englefield I do get some perspective on where we are as a club. What a good do at the Club for the England vs USA World Cup opener, beer festival and loads of new faces and colts. The game however was so dull that the kids went outside at half time and it was like a scaled down scene from ‘the 300’ with 3,000 under 11’s taking on half a dozen under 17’s at football. Rita tried my patience by handing out mini vuvuzelers but mercifully these soon became discarded in favour of another sausage. Other clubs are struggling for players and some have tried to address the problem by importing players who will never really be affiliated to their clubs. We have chosen a different, but more difficult path of growing our own. This is a more long term strategy, but one that should lay a solid foundation. Well done Dave and the coaches, Club Mark (who?) will be presented on Sunday morning, be there.

My only gripe, and there always has to be one with me, is the cancer that is the reluctance, and in some cases refusal to play for one Hurley team or the other. I think we all could do with thinking more about the club than ourselves. Isn’t it self evident that you only become a better player by playing against better opposition? And really, should we not support the poor souls who have taken on the task of selecting sides every week only to be told that there are conditions to your availability. Come on lets all pull together and be more Beckham than Terry, Moyse than Benitez, Marmite than Vegimite, and rattle than vuvuzela.

Shame Australia didn’t make it out of Group D else we could have beaten them at football as well as rugby and cricket. Bring on the Germans and Amersham Hill, which is more hated?

What a game the other week! I went over to Hurley fully expecting to see fours a plenty but instead it was wall to wall four by fours. I could not park and had to go down the road and sneek into the Old Bell car park. It was the first under 11s game and our boys were taking on the might of Royal Ascot. Set 112 to win in 20 overs, our brave lads set off at a terrific pace (fuelled by coke and fruit pastilles) and as the runs flowed (admittedly mostly in wides) so the bar did a roaring trade. The highlight had to be Ollie Dawkins’ reverse sweep and Dad Lardy’s chest swelled with pride and Stella. Sadly the boys fell just short on 103 but it was a terrific evening albeit a few tears as messing about turned to a split lip for one tadpole. There is certainly a buzz around the place that was not there last year and certainly a few green shoots of recovery. The colts programme is progressing better than expected and we expect to secure Clubmark very soon. The promising U17s are breaking into the senior sides and showing real promise and the two innings from James Taylor and Ross Brown against Little Kingshill were brilliant to watch. It must have been much less fun for the adults bowling to them. I realised that the last time we won the Chilterns League, Ross was only 1 year old and the term ‘fill yer boots’ had a whole different meaning. A miserable evening at Holyport saw us crash out of the League ko in the last over despite the heroics of Jacko. Never mind, we fielded a very reasonable side but never pinned down two of their batsmen. Finally, congrats to Steve T for his century on Sunday and Scotty’s and Sam’s exploits on getting us across the line at Theale. I realise that the weather was not so hot as the Saturday Steve got 52 for the 1XI, but if there is any correlation between runs and the crimson colour of his head then commercial jets must have been using it to approach Heathrow on Sunday.

I have been a bit slow posting my blog, blame the arctic conditions, volcanic ash and concentrating my efforts on winning the pub fantasy football. I fully expect to get a free meal from the chef Sean as I ‘battered' him in the final couple of weeks. Somehow I think I had better not touch the hollandaise sauce or gentleman's relish with the free chips.

And so onto cricket and what an inspiring weekend. It was great to see young George and ‘Paulo' Rossie bolster the flagging 1XI batting and contributing 31 of our tortuous 148-7 to register an opening victory. Bless them, they could not resist the swings on the far side of Denham though before the match. Ross brought down his revision but was prevented from doing much as we took an interest in the paper, something not many of us ever did when we were his age, though I remember Orbes trying the same method of revision nearly 40 years earlier. What with 30 minnows turning up at Hurley for practice Sunday morning maybe we should install a play area on the far side by the ‘mound'. Dave did a roaring trade in bacon butties and now even has the parents bringing contributions for breakfast.     

So, England are World Champions at 20/20. Never mind that for long periods there was not a native born Englishman on the pitch. Cricket is now a multi-national game with players plying their trade across the world much like football. So goes my argument when I alight in Australia for the Ashes if British Airways is still flying. Immigration is a hot topic at the moment, and even if the Coalition brings in controls based purely on skill needs we should be ok for England players. Anyone need a laugh at the Australians not being able to beat the South African 2XI? :

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/sport/identity-theft-foreign-legion-adds-to-our-ashes-pain/story-e6frg7mf-1225867936349

As a cloud of volcanic ash settles over Berkshire, the new season is clouded in uncertainty. Where will the 1XI get a middle order from and will youth fill the gap before the burgeoning over 50's finally call it a day and retire to the Berkshire Over 50's cricket. Mother Hurley is trying to give birth to a new generation of colts to keep the club alive and I am not sure if Ringo is father or midwife. To make another analogy, the excellent CricketForce weekend at Hurley was a little like the happenings in my pond or a scene from American Pie, frantic activity and lots of tadpoles. The U11's held an inaugural training session supervised by Lardy and Veg and the kids looked like they were having fun. The more wizened members painted, chopped, hammered and drank coffee; but it was encouraging to see all this pre-season activity although not too many new faces.

It has been a really long cold winter as everyone kept telling Dave Jackett (9-10 still a club record) when he visited us for a week in March over from Australia. Poor mite could not get over the cold. I think we deserve a good summer but for me that also means some results in the League. I am a little tired of Hurley being the statue and not the pigeon. Time to crap on someone else! If these things go in cycles then we are due a resurgence to the heights of the mid 90's. While it was brilliant to see so many of the Club's greats return for our 50^th celebrations last year we must look forward, build activity on all fronts and make the club a magnet for balmy weekends, burnt flesh and good beer.

And finally, a few questions not in the Summer of Sport.

• How early in the season will Ringo break another finger
• Will Half Way Line still have super powers
• Just how short will Prof's run up be this year
• Will D-Day have a new set of Berkshire (over 50) kit
• Will Dave Walton's arm ball ever reach the wicket
• Will those orbes ever shine so bright
• Will Mike W ever leave the crease
• Will Steve T cheer up
• Will humbug cheer up, how early in the season will he concede the League
• Will Rita ever tell the difference between a run out and a stumping

Have a great season.

 

And so finally the league season has come to a close with the final match for the 1XI at Little Kingshill. A red kite circled over the ground on the look out for a tasty morsel, Ross was on the menu for lunch. Maybe that was the incentive for him to keep moving and score a rapid and shockingly classy 36 for a 15 year old (or a 45 year old for that matter). Was that a whistling of wings, or the wheezing of Denis trying to keep up? Still, there is 40 years between them. The opposition bowler was going to take it easy on Ross until he timed the ball off his toes to the mid wicket boundary faster than Dave Walton heading for tea. Later in the day Dave's opening ‘bomb' provided the comedy moment of the afternoon as the batsman's eyes lit up, his mind calculated seven places where he could deposit the pie, the grass grew another inch, Empires rose and fell, a huge heave and the ball nestled at the base of the middle stump surrounded by bails and fielders rolling around with mirth. The batsman trudged off with a self depreciating smile and I could hear David Lloyd shouting ‘start the car'.

If we ever think we have problems then just look at LK who regularly struggle to field 11, depend on a car full of Sri Lankans from London, and Englefield have folded their 2XI. So another league season comes to a close with real progress in results and playing strength. I watched George Lewis and James Taylor open the batting on Sunday (combined age 30) and add 100 while Sam Draper and Ross Brown added to the youthful profile. George made 92 and would it not have been brilliant if he and Ross the previous week had got their maiden tons at such a tender age. Exciting times ahead if they stay loyal to Hurley, and we are confident that they enjoy it so much that they will. Val will have to ensure there is plenty of jelly and ice cream for tea and some party bags.

I was going to do a bit of a review of the season, but Prof has written one that cannot be bettered so I posted it under ‘News'. Have a read and I challenge the other teams to do similar. Our trophy cabinet may be bare (not only because it was cleaned out some years ago by a ne're do well) but we are in good company with Australia (missing are: Rugby League World Cup, Rugby Union World Cup, International Rules Trophy, Tri Nations Trophy, Super-12 Trophy, Trans-Tasman Touch Football Trophy, Davis Cup,
Hockey World Championship Trophy, Bledisloe Cup, and oh yes, an Ashes urn). Good times ahead I feel especially when we get Clubmark and a sports psychologist.  

For Christmas; the ironic glove for Prof for his hand shake with the most obnoxious cricketer in the league, a red cape for the talismanic Naeem, a Japanese Aircraft carrier for Trev's Zeros, sat nav and a lead duck for his bath for Farooq, metal polish for Orbs as they are getting tainted, cold cream to remove Tim's thumb print, a bionic hand for Ringo, some more black paint for Pete, a draw bridge and moat for Denis, some Aboriginal art to decorate Alex's boomerang ball and 360 points for me next season please.

 

Now, two readers of my match report last week commented that it sounded a little like ‘Watership Down' and now I cannot get the annoying theme tune out of my head. Somebody please shoot me! Next week's report will be based on ‘Titanic', ‘The Poseidon Adventure' or ‘Armageddon'. Just think of all the clichés I can employ (and have done - sunk with out trace, subsided etc) whilst describing our batting. I liked the little bunnies reference but I shall have to think of new and imaginative ways of describing the total inability of the Saturday 1XI to post a score and so ruin my afternoon.

I have a scoring protégé! Mary has been taught by a proper scorer and so appeared on Saturday ready to sub for me as I was due to go to the Oval (but didn't). She then proceeded to upstage me with colours, symbols for byes and leg byes and charts showing umpire signals, none of which remotely resembled Billy Bowden's antics. I managed to keep her in her place by pointing out every little error and not let her copy me. I am the senior scorer after all. I can see that Rita, Mary and I shall have to have a score off at the end of the season. I am whittling my 2B as I write.

When the weather is nice, I like to go down and watch the Sunday 1's for an hour or so, maybe have a beer and swipe a slice of pizza, but this Sunday I had to watch the brilliant Ashe's victory. I had arranged to go and see Ma for dinner, so during the dogged resistance of the 8^th wicket I took my chance and got in the car only to be frustrated by hearing the fall of the 8^th AND 9^th wickets on the radio. I had to get to see the final act, so drove like a loon round idiots oblivious of the history about to be made. Made it in time thanks to Mr Cricket digging in before Swanny got him! Dave in Australia was very gracious so Sydney here I come to see a repeat of the result this summer (here's hoping).